During the casting of our customer testimonials for The Following is a Paid Advertisement, we received literally thousands of audition tapes, out of which we were assigned the daunting task of choosing a select few and putting them into the now legendary infomercial.

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One of these tapes caught our eye early on in the casting process and remained in the back of our minds, clawing and grating at our Cerebral Cortexes and most of our Cerebellums until we decided that the rather bizarre teenager who referred to himself as “The Greatest Actor in All of Ohio” must be put into our KERNL project.

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After finding out what this strange child’s legal name was, we sent out a letter requesting his time and effort to aid us with a few short shots which we would use in the infomercial. It was only a matter of days before we found a large, crinkled manila envelope in our mailbox, stuffed full with an assortment of congratulatory greetings and several pages of the script we had sent him, returned to us but completely covered with scrawlings of what he thought were endlessly helpful pointers and enhancing suggestions.

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Needless to say, we were most intrigued by this daring and often brash individual. Who was this amateur thespian anyway? We were to find out sooner than we expected (or hoped), as he made it clear enough that he planned to make our visit a very interesting and trying one.

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Here, for your enjoyment (or psychoanalytical interest) are but a few of the more interesting articles we found within the depths of his first of many packages to us.

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Lloyd Bremmer — Artistic Genius or Annoying Piss-Ant?