There was a time when Summer meant endless days of doing whatever you darn well felt like for as long as you darn well wanted to. For some reason, we were under the impression it was still this way.

Hence the massive undertaking of “The Small Town Project.” Originally, we hoped to provide literally dozens of characters all belonging to a small town in a quaint little fictional town of the Midwest, aptly named Dull Flatte. The idea came about from a day of aimlessly driving around with a video camera. In fact, the only footage shot on video for the project is what you see here, although an entire list of possible citizens was drawn up and discussed.

The only characters that ever came to near completion were the characters that we came up with on the spot, after seeing a certain location and thinking of who might be interviewed in front of it. They are:

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Alistair Huntingham

Alistair, a nearly famous name within the community, had his own cable access television program that aired on Friday nights. His show consisted of a Masterpiece Theater set up: Alistair would sit in an overstuffed chair and read to the camera out of whatever book he decided to focus on that week. Usually, this was a flimsy excuse to name drop former colleagues and authors that he claimed to know. More often than not, the half hour would be interrupted by Eunice, Alistair’s overbearing wife, whom he desperately claimed to have left already.

The Huntingham character was filmed at an earlier time than the others, and the actual creation stemmed entirely from a fuzzy white strip of cotton that Corri bought from a craft store.

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Mort Eerie & Ella Mae

The local caretakers of Dull Flatte’s extensive and spacious graveyard. Mort, played by Josh Rains, and his mute daughter (Laura Kingery) lived a simple life in a small house in the middle of the cemetary that used to be the public restrooms. Enforcing strict regulations upon the mourning visitors, Mort had ample time to sit around all day and think up new rules such as outlawing real flowers on gravesites, condemning loud wailing of any kind and absolutely not pointing at things with shovels.

Also filmed in the cemetary were two unnamed hickish citizens of Dull Flatte (Corri and Nat), who had come to visit their late mother. They obviously were adhering to the regulation plant laws and had brought a fake tree and flowers to decorate the grave with.

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Bob & Julien

A pair of flamboyant life-partners from the Big Apple, Bob and Julien had escaped the “stuffiness” of city life to live underneath the town’s only bridge. Happily relocated, Bob and Julien spent their days maintaining the image of homeless people, although an obvious but unknown source of income kept them immaculately dressed and in no danger of starving.

Bob and Julien were revisited after the first improvised interview, this time with costumes so that several “promotional” photographs could be taken. You can see them here, here and here.

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Helga Olfsonn & Fjord

Helga and Fjord were the owners of the local ice cream shop, Dairy Treet. Speaking in a unrecognizable accent, the ladies’ previous whereabouts were unknown. Once the hot spot of Dull Flatte, the proprietors were dealt a crushing blow in business after losing their amazingly gaudy sign to pranksters in the night. Without a flashy title and no way to bring in new customers, Dairy Treet went downhill and the two were forced to eat most of their own ice cream.

Helga Olfsonn and Fjord were also among the few characters photographed. View their pictures here and here.

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Unfilmed Characters

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Blanche Rigby

A horribly wicked and child-despising librarian, who worked in the Dull Flatte Elementary Schoool Library. Pictures here, here and here.

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Ms. Cornflower

The ever-cheerful art teacher who taught at the Dull Flatte Elementary School. Picture here, and with Blanche Rigby here.

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Coach Slate

A pompous and cruel sports coach and gym instructor with a penchant to overwork his students, and then yell at them. Pictures here and here.

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These and a myriad of others that never got off the page made up the Small Town Project. Much effort and work was put into an end product (it was approximately 500 degrees Fahrenheit the day of the photoshoot), but the summer was too short, we were too lazy and our real jobs were too demanding.